


A Simple Reminiscence That He Shouldn't Remember

by orphan_account



Category: Joker Game (Anime)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-04 21:22:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17905874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "When a spy is at a crossroads, if their partner's face come to mind first, it's time for them to retire."But she wasn't his partner, and he never quitted his job as a spymaster. However, although he never shown it (and most likely would deny it and change the subject like it was nothing), he could never forget the sheer contentedness that he felt whenever he saw those ships arrived in the harbour.





	A Simple Reminiscence That He Shouldn't Remember

**Author's Note:**

> Joker Game © Koji Yanagi  
> Warning: grammar mistakes, possible typos
> 
> I love Yuuki-san and I suffered from writing this because he's a hard character to write—especially because he's (almost) the exact opposite of my own personality.

It was weird to say that he felt content even though he always stated that what awaited for a spy's future was just empty solitude, but that contentedness only came for a sheer moment everytime he saw a ship arrived in the harbour, just like what he did right now, standing in front of a small bakery managed by a foreigner woman that was opened in front of said place, waiting for Fukumoto to finish buying some bread for whatever he was cooking for breakfast tomorrow. Yuuki rarely came to the harbour, so it was fine, probably.

After all, being haunted by the past wasn't a good sign for a spy. It could lead to many, many fatal mistakes—like what Odagiri did, but it's not like Yuuki could blame a mere human for having feelings. Contrary to popular beliefs, he had feelings that only channeled through some logical actions. His soft spot was very well hidden to the point it was frightening, so of course, nobody would notice.

At least not immediately, like a certain woman who insisted to treat his wounds when he was finally away from Hermann Wolff's clutches. He looked okay, and honestly he was okay, because he had been thrown into countless escapades that was far, far more dangerous than that. Though, he must admit, losing an arm was obviously painful and for once, he  _was_ only human.

And that was when that woman came. She was quite beautiful, sure, with her wavy sandy brown locks, dark brown eyes, and pale skin tinted with natural rosy blush on the cheeks. But her personality wasn't cute in the slightest, and perhaps that was what made Yuuki recalled memories about her so vividly, even though years had gone by.

He still remembered the first time they met. She stared at his arm, eyes widened in an obvious horrify that was securely hidden behind a stoic expression, but Yuuki had always been great at peeking behind other people's mask, so he could tell. He turned his head to get her out of his sight, because she and he were just strangers, and he never expected her to reach out to him, especially because she winced a little when she first laid her eyes on his figure.

But, even though Yuuki was one hell of schemer that could see and predict almost everything, human was still a mysterious being, and that woman fell into the category of a natural disaster person that he would rather avoid in every single of his missions, thank you very much.

And that was how they met. She stepped forward and pulled the hem of his shirt with an unnoticeable trembled fingers and an icy gaze that betrayed the concern she perfectly hid (and Yuuki perfectly saw through). Her first words were this:

_"You're wounded. You should go get yourself treated."_

'An idiot' was the first impression he had on her.  _Of course,_ he was wounded and  _of course,_ he needed help. She stated the obvious, and if he didn't learn to put on a mask for a long time, he would surely glare at her.

But Yuuki was a man with charms, an expert among experts in the area of sweeping ladies off their feet, so he smiled back.

_"Yes, you're right. I'm honoured that such a beautiful woman like you take notice of that; most women find it frightening."_

And that's when he first learned that, although her expression was usually as flat as a ceiling, she was  _extremely_ expressive when it came to exposing her dissatisfaction. She looked at him, eyebrows arched down and small lips parted slightly, combined with a wide, disgusted glare that clearly shouted that she was ready to bash his head to the nearby wall or pole, if possible (which Yuuki secretly glad it wasn't, because in the future, she looked at him like that everytime he tried to walk his way out of trouble, changing subjects or simply try to jokingly flirt with her).

He had to start over, quick, because she had been staring at him like that for a solid twenty seconds; clearly looking at him as if he was a trash or something.

_"I—"_

_"Oh, thank you for the compliment."_

She decided to act polite after making him saw that kind of face? Too late, she's simply too late to show him some hospitality!

_"Anyway, Sir ... uh, Mister ... East—since I don't know your name and which country you are from, but I'm pretty sure you're from the east—we should treat your wound, quick."_

What a shameless, suprisingly talkactive person. Yuuki would love to avoid her, and  _he meant it._ He smiled again.

_"Yes, you're right, I have some new bandages, so I'll change it right away."_

_"Let me help, then."_

_"Oh, no, you don't have to—"_

_"So you're saying that you can change it yourself? With only one hand? Ha-ha. Very funny. Funniest joke I've ever heard this month."_

Yuuki had his limits, and he definitely would not explode from that. He would not. Not now, maybe.

_"Of course I can't, Miss West. That's why I'm about to ask someone to help—"_

_"When somebody in front of you clearly offered to help?"_

_"Oh, I know that's rude! But a lady's fingers shouldn't touch something as ugly as my wound, don't you think?"_

_"Oh, make senses ...,"_

So, she was simple-minded. Yuuki was almost glad. 'almost' being the keyword here, because her next line nearly made him groan.

_"... but I don't really care about what you say, anyway. Come here, I'll treat your wounds. It looks nasty and a nuisance to the eyes. MY eyes, especially."_

Good grief, Yuuki just wanted a peaceful trip after what he had to go through in German, why did he has to meet this natural disaster of a woman. What did he do to deserve this.

And that was how they started their so-called companionship. She was suprisingly taciturn when she treated his wounds, which actually suited her expressionless face. He later found out that she was always like that; silent, stoic, but frighteningly caring. The fact that this taciturn girl would roam around the ships without people knowing and then got into trouble, made her even more dangerous to be with Yuuki, because she would surely ruin whatever plan he had in mind. A natural disaster, truly. He was glad that she was a girl that never stick to people around her. She liked to go on 'secret adventures'—as she called it. What made him pissed off more was whenever they were conversing, no matter how many times he tried to change the subject, she would go back to her feet and could never be swept by his flow for a long time.

It was honestly annoying when Yuuki could not manipulate someone to his liking, especially if said person was going to be with him for  _months._ This woman—who he nicknamed Miss West as a counterpart for her Mr. East—was also going to Japan. She already memorized the whole  _hiragana_ characters after two weeks abroad on ship, and that was how Yuuki found out that she was your typical book-smart-but-no-common-sense.

... Actually, Miss West had some common sense, shame and suprisingly considerate to people, which wasn't Yuuki, for your information. It seemed that she enjoyed to drown her ladylike mask somewhere in the deepest part of the ocean whenever they conversed. It seemed that she liked to talk with him.

Which, as you could predict, wasn't good. Yuuki was craving some peaceful time after whatever had happened back in German; he already relayed all his information away to another spy on the ship, and that's that. Yuuki was a human and he needed some rest too, damn it.

And she gave him some, suprisingly. Although, not before she made an effort to deceive him with a fake disappointed gaze that he never fell for.

_"You didn't fall for it. As expected from another sly liar."_

_"I am not—"_

_"Oh, don't pretend. As a fellow liar, I can tell that you're one, and you're better than me at that."_

_"Interesting. Okay, assuming that I am a liar and that you're as clever as you think, why did you approach me that day, then?"_

_"You're hurt."_

_"That's all?"_

_"Uh-huh."_

Miss West looked at him, still as expressionless as ever. Yuuki could tell there where times this lady could actually discard all of her feelings at once and became a pseudo emotionless porcelain doll. Something clicked in his mind, telling him that such things only happened when she revealed something she wanted to hide, something that she thought better left unsaid.

Something that was called her 'true feelings'.

How could a person be so complex and simple at the same time? Yuuki didn't bother to answer that; he wasn't curious to the point he wanted to know and there was no merit in knowing more. Let's just shove it to the back of his mind.

_"Oh, so you were concerned about me that day? How kind."_

_"Stop talking to me with that smirk, it's disgusting. And yeah, I was concerned."_

_"Harsh. Can't you say something kind to me without having to look like you're about to cut my throat in half?"_

_"No, especially when I like you this much."_

_"Oh, you like me?"_

_"I told you to stop the smirk, one-arm. I didn't mean it that way; I just feel comfortable around you. Not the romantic kind—seriously, stop looking at me with that eyes! I'm not denying anything!"_

_"How did you know I was about to say that you're in denial?"_

_"Because I'm attentive and we're both liars. Also, a little trivia, I like insulting people."_

_"So, I am your personal trashcan?"_

_"Basically, yes."_

If Yuuki didn't know better, he would have slammed his door right in front of Miss West's face. It was just her personality. He didn't know why he put up with her, but he was glad that she finally understood that he wanted some peace, and she gave him exactly that, although sometimes she came to him, asking him to help her reading  _kanji._

They never conversed much after that. Not really; their conversation turned mundane. She didn't roll some snarky remarks off her tongue, and became more serious. Perhaps she actually felt hurt when Yuuki shoved her out of his life so suddenly like that, but once again, it wasn't his concern. Not when they were just two people who happened to ride on the same ship.

Yuuki liked to play it cool. He was the best at pretending to be normal, and being 'normal' meant that he should asked why Miss West was abroad on this ship, alone. And the perfect chance came when he helped her to study.

_"It's rare for you to be curious about me. You're hiding something, aren't you?"_

_"No, I don't. Anybody would ask that, right."_

_"True, but I thought that you already knew? You like to eavesdrop quite a lot, according to my observation. I've told everyone about my reason to be here, you should've heard."_

_"But I haven't heard it from yourself."_

_"Does that matter?"_

_"Not really, actually. I'm just asking. So you don't want me to ask you?"_

_"Unless you wanted to shatter my innocent figure in front of you."_

Of course he already knew snippets Miss West's past. She told everyone small puzzle pieces of the reasons why she was abroad alone. He got the gist of it; she was most likely came from a wealthy family, felt 'suffocated' there, then ran away after she got her ticket. She said something about doing something dangerous for someone to get the ticket, but it had nothing to do with Yuuki and his seemingly non-existent concern. However, there were a lot of dangerous things in this world, and Miss West was a lady, and of course the first thing that crossed Yuuki's mind was something dirty.

_"... Well, I guess I don't want to know."_

_"Frightened?"_

_"No. I just don't want to hear what I'm not supposed to hear."_

_"Even though you're an eavesdropper yourself? How funny."_

_"Fine, I'll rephrase it. I don't want to hear what I don't want to hear."_

Miss West let out a small chuckle after hearing that. She shook her head for a moment, still obviously amused. Then, she placed her index and middle finger on her chin—a habit she had whenever something came up in her mind—and smiled.

_"But I'll entertain you, I guess. Let me tell you one thing."_

_"Sounds interesting, what is it?"_

_"I left someone I didn't wait for."_

_"... What."_

Miss West chuckled again when she saw the frown on Yuuki's face. Then, she shifted her gaze to the vast ocean outside the room, smiling slightly. Her eyes was lost; as if her heart had sunk to the bottom of the ocean. She let out a pleasant-sounded sigh, which didn't contain happiness at all.

She looked sad, and tired, and had the gaze of someone who just wanted to curl up into ball then sleep for a long, long time.

_"I love someone. He's in the navy. And the war is raging on._

_Let's be realistic here, he said. He told me to not wait for me. He might die. He might not come back. He hasn't come back; but I've decided that I need a break from all of those desperate nights crying over him whenever his letters arrived late._

_It's over. This love is over. He told me not to wait, so I didn't._

_Life goes on, Mr. East, and I won't die just by trying to let him go. It's hard to live with my family, the pressure is unbearable, so I run away._

_I run away, leaving everything behind, but my happy memories with him."_

_"You won't forget him?"_

_"Why would I throw out happy memories? I'll live with it, of course. But as I said, life goes on, and I'll live on. Some things can be kept, even after it's gone. But a past is a past, and I don't want to be stuck in one place just because I can't let go of something._

_I'll live on, with my memories intact. Every past events are a lesson that can be useful in the future. There's nothing to be forgotten; only forgiven, at least."_

There is a long silence after that. Miss West resumed her study, not bothering to wait for a reply, and Yuuki decided not to say anything. She was right, in a sense. She was wise, in her own way. He didn't want to tease her for that; Yuuki respected people, and an introspective person was included in them. As if he could make fun of a thoughtful speech like that.

He looked at the lady that sat in front of him, then patted her hair for a brief moment. She looked at him with a curious gaze, before bursting into soft, soundless laughter when she saw the serene, uncanny sincere respect swirled in his eyes. She patted his severed arm in return, responding that she respected him too. Their conversation stopped abruptly after that, but both of them knew that  the comfortable silence was appreciated.

Days went by, they were still not close, but Yuuki had to reluctantly admit that he gave up on getting rid of Miss West, which the latter laughed silently with joy after knowing that on their last day on the ship. Japan was less than twelve meters away, and they stood on the deck, basking under the morning sunlight because they had finished packing their own belongings and had nothing to do. While comfortably placing her arms on the railing, she stated this:

_"Since we'll part ways soon, I guess I have to admit that you're very kind, Mr. East. The kindest person I've ever met, although twisted."_

_"In the end, you never stop insulting me, huh."_

_"Harsh, but true. But I'm still complimenting you, though? I think that you're very kind."_

_"Okay, then. Why don't you try to list every kindness I've ever done to you?"_

_"Sure thing! You never tell me to shut up even though I can be annoying sometimes, you're scary when you're angry—so calm and collected it's frightening—but you never once tell me to get out of your sight. Okay, once you did, but when I come to you, you never give me a cold shoulder, even though your personality is like that. You insult people, either directly or roundabout way, but that's fine too, because you point out my mistakes without sugarcoating your words, and I'm glad for that. You're smart and you help me learn! I hate it when you try to charm girls, because to me, it's disgusting and nonsense, but your words sounds sweet, so I guess that's okay. And—"_

The list went on and on. Miss West babbled, stopped for a moment, resumed, and the circle continues. It was obvious that she didn't plan her speech before, or something along the lines. The lady wasn't much of a chatterbox, and she was obviously out of breath when she finally concluded her how-many-paragraphs-long praises, Yuuki was ready with a bottle of water to give. He looked at the lady as she chugged down the water greedily, as if she hadn't drink in a week or so, before finally replied:

_"That was long."_

_"It is, right. My throat hurts."_

_"Then why didn't you just summarize it from the start?"_

_"Isn't that rude?"_

_"You're trying to act polite now, of all times?"_

_"Uh, yeah? I mean, since the time I helped you to change your bandages, I can tell that you're not as cold as you look."_

_"You trust people too soon."_

_"Got it, I'll try to suspect people more in the future."_

_"And stop taking advices without filtering what it means."_

_"Hey, I'm filtering it, you know? What you said is helpful, so I just take it raw. Do you hate being trusted or what?"_

Not really. Being trusted was actually helpful in his missions. That way, Yuuki could get under anybody's skin and guided them the way he liked it.

_"No, but you're too naïve."_

_"Okay, then. I'll change my mindset slowly, okay?"_

_"You should've done it right now, but, okay. Do at your own pace."_

_"Great. Anyway, we've never called each other by our names, huh? I'm sure you've overheard my name already, from other people in this ship."_

_"Yes, I do."_

But Miss West never heard his real name. The fake one, yes, but not his  _actual_ name. But that was fine; she didn't need to know anyway. They wouldn't meet again, after all.

_"I'd like to say it. Your name, I mean."_

_"Go on, then. You don't have to ask for my permission."_

_"I know, but I want you to say my name too."_

_"Do I have to?"_

_"No, but I want you to. Please?"_

She stared at him, her icy gaze softened, gleaming in plea and silent desire under the morning sunlight. It took Yuuki a second to realize that her eyes moistened with tears, acting as if she would part ways with long time friend and never to meet him again.

So Yuuki humoured her. He called her name.

... **What was her name again?**

The spymaster shifted his gaze to a ship that was about to depart from the harbour, pulling himself to reality and stopped all of his reminiscence. But in the end, he whispered the real name of Miss West, just in time when the bakery door opened, revealing Fukumoto and the bakery manager's figure, enough to make the chiming bells engulfed his voice.

"... Griselda Olaf."

"Yes?"

What.

Yuuki turned his head to the side, gray orbs met with dark brown ones, owned by the manager of the bakery. Fukumoto glanced back and forth between Yuuki and the woman, noticing something was off but kept his mouth shut. He could try to investigate it later.

Realization hit Yuuki sooner than he thought; when the whole figure of the bakery's manager came to sight, Yuuki almost grimaced.

The flat, emotionless dark brown eyes. Sandy brown hair that had already turned gray in some parts. Pale skin with a seemingly unchanging rosy cheeks.

And Yuuki knew the worst scenario just started when the woman placed her middle and index fingers on her chin—the man knew a person who had similiar gesture in the past, someone that was a nice company but he wished not to see anymore because she was a disaster.

"Hey, that name ... it's been a while since somebody call me that. Wait a moment, I think I know you ...."

Yuuki mentally sighed.

It wouldn't end well, would it.

**.**

**.**

**.**

**fin.**

**Author's Note:**

> At first, I intented this story to be full of friendship/drama, however, somewhere along the way, my (dry) humour slipped in. I regret it but since I already finish the story, I just become, 'oh well whatever fuck it'. So ... yeah.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Comment and/or kudos are appreciated!
> 
> \- riozellda  
>  27/2/19


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